Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Friday, May 22, 2015

Eating Blind

I will say it again.

The future is near, when I would have to eat with my pinholes on.

Woe old age at one's 40s.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

The Taxi Driver Goes Classical

Noticed it by Mckinley Hills. The music was wafting through the air like summer blooms. Violin ala Vivaldi though I am not sure. Classical violin on a Saturday. And as if in harmony, there was no traffic. And the driver, about late 60s, with a strong Visayan accent, plain, a commoner like me. And the taxi, the old model white, rickety but like old vehicles that are well maintained, with extra strong airconditioning. If indeed classical is his taste, then this taxi driver's taste is impeccable. Just as his taxi is clean, and as he is dependable. I may be misinterpreting but he's one in million. Unforgettable.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Go Home

one cannot be away forever. home always beckons. so wherever the feet takes you, remember that the heart's compass yearns towards home --- whether it be the sight of rice fields, the smell of your mom's clothes, or the gash on that floor --- unique imprints of the home that only the heart recognizes, and bears wherever it goes. so go home, go home, go home, get home.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

A Past Blog Made Me Feel

it still gets to me.

i was going through the readership of this blog (which is not too big for a blog which is 1 of a billion blogs in cyberspace) when i chanced through this. and i fathom, i was really in love with this person once. and it was deep and it felt right. forever was so visible.

but i recall that only last friday, i was giving precious advice to my teammate whose relationship, her engagement to that special someone was teetering on the brink of break-up. a similar situation that i was through in 2012. and i remember my advice. do not follow my track. my relationship did not take root. it was not deep enough to be saved.

and then i saw this blog, this blog where the sun, my favorite motif, was all splendor. the sun was so beautiful it did not matter whether it was on the rise or was setting. but still, in the blog, i acknowledged my love as both the sunrise or the sunset of my life --- now i wonder, was i the one who blogged, or him?

i react as if a third-person. so i did really fall in love. so at that moment, love enveloped my soul. thank you. thank you for this blog for bringing me back to that feeling. acknowledging that it did exist, that love. thank you too, to him, the one who made it possible. what i felt, what we had, was true. even though now, it does not exist anymore. this love. and i sometimes doubt myself. i sometimes feel alzheimer's disease infects the heart as well.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Joey Albert ang Peg

Tell me.

I will not know how to deal with you, if you don't say it as it is, how you feel including what is, and what is not. I cannot foretell your words. You have to learn to trust who you are, and what I am to you.

Tell me.

Saturday, May 2, 2015

The Hayyyyyyyy Point

i have reached a 'hayyyyyyy' point in the revisions. since april, i have been going through three draft chapters, and this morning, realized there is another one that needs to be included. reading, slashing, summarizing while going through the pain of reading horrendously-written work.  good, i used a pencil, otherwise, the chapters will be bleeding.

so it's not unusual to find notations like these:

sometime april: 'the discussion here can be part of self-admin chapter where results (repayment) can be added as prelude to studying tenure chapter'

again in april: 'this chapter and info on city govt capability in socialised housing, or enablement assumptions, is useful but it has to be worded simply and explained logically. summarize key points as well.

and today: 'balikan mo, one by one, summarize points you will take. Do not rush, but do not slack either.'

i am my own worst editor. but i have to focus and do so with purpose. Urgently.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Choice

i love Janis Joplin. her intensity and honesty. but i just did something with Spotify today. i removed most of her songs. most of her angst about love, about failed and unrequited romances.  these are not mine to herald anymore. i un-claim hanging on to ballads on heartbreak and failure. they have been a part of me. but i choose to leave them by the door, no longer part of my house.

i see myself happy at work, with family, travel, fitness, passions, collections, investments. i choose to be happy. and that includes the love of belonging. of belonging steadfast to that one man whom i will grow old in affection, respect, laughter, shared endeavors, a journey to the twilight of our years. i choose what is best, and good, and lasting.

Monday, April 27, 2015

Reading...Poetry

i am reading poetry
for reasons other than to combat alzheimer's
i am reading to find my voice again
that it can lilt, whisper and just as in my mind
i was reading Maya Angelou's Still I Rise
my voice was rising in a crescendo
I rise! I rise! I rise!
i wish i could read out loud
as much as my voice is shouting
in this head
and so i read poetry
to find peace
and to never run away again

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Choices

Life stops when we run out of choices. When we leave out choices for others. And we steal those meant for others. This is one important lesson on the road to kindness.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Mighty Me

ha, mighty
to lug and sit and speak and study
it never stops
only faces and conditions vary
one does not stop
one only passes the baton
and the cycle continues