Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Yes to What Is

i say Yes, you are owning this condo
You are investing in stocks
You are increasing your net worth

Believe. Believe. Believe.
And Work with Passion for it.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Time, Mine

today, i had buffet lunch all alone. before, i had a buffet friend, or call a friend; normally, Cora when she was still here in the philippines.  i just took it slow. enjoyed the food at City Buffet where, of course, the buffet is not as diverse, mouth-watering and fulfilling as Heat at Edsa Shang or at Galleria.  perhaps i had 10 helpings in all. alternating eating, standing and getting helpings.

then here at home, for the first time, browsed through Good Housekeeping mags, the back issue dated as far back as May 2014. ah, terrible. but i did it. almost after a year.

so here i am. with a condo all lighted up. made deliberately messy but still chic. two travel bags, plastic bags with indigenous gabi and green peas. two more issues of GH amd self-help books on the blue sofa.

all this time until tuesday next week is mine. just mine to keep and spend. Thanks for Holy Week. And thanks for the Wise One for granting me this.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Coup D'├ętat

They know just where to hurt me. So even I was surprised as tears gushed with the Wise One on the other end. After weeks absorbing denial, insult, put-downs, treachery. Tears that perhaps boded the timing, might have been the decision point to turn the rising tide of error, poor judgment. I will clear my mind of all these, just as tears released the pain and frustration of weeks.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

My Buckets

i do not have a bucket list.

i have buckets.

Fort Yaman Cafe
Vitti's Bickies
Pizza Nette
Dunkin Donuts
College Completion Scholarships
One-More-Classroom Program
H20 Station
The Stock Market

filling buckets in full
Fulfilling Buckets

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

You Need A Pencil

chapter 4 has been emailed last Sunday, so in my bag, now on my desk are three parts of supposedly just one chapter.  the decision point is whether to compress in one or two chapters, and how? read a first few pages of the first two parts, and could not endure my writing. too general, too hyperventilating, which means i am not clear with the thinking while writing these 3 years ago.

to start, to really start, i must have to endure one thing. to read through the texts, read through all 100+ pages, back to back of an equivalent three chapters. how much can i take?

and so etched on the first ever page: YOU NEED A PENCIL. a pencil to underline, encircle, highlight with a star and yes, slash.  because looking back, one cannot compress everything known on Kaantabay in a thesis. a thesis can only carry this much argument, this much burden of evidence, this weight.

so the unloading, and the writing work, continues.

and Vitti, don't forget to file your originals, and save tables and figures in a separate Word doc.

Monday, March 23, 2015

And So, Yes

and so persist.

make a difference.

mentor. be kind.

on principles: never compromise, never be nice.

just be who you are.

be who you really are.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Yoga Practice

i didn't want to go. canceled the reservation but then went on again.  5 more sessions to complete the Flexi pass. it was close to 3pm and i was rushing. i do not want to be late. my body ached from yesterday's cardio exercises but still...i walked five blocks away with sweat trickling down the left side of my neck. 

but it must have been Mel's encouraging coaxing, the softness and warmth of her voice and the care she exudes in managing the exercises, the poses for newbies, actually, returnees to yoga like me. so in more than an hour, i struggled with the heat, but the in the poses, i was less wobbly and getting firm on my feet.

i'm just glad i have come. that's why Yoga is Practice. like writing, like Natalie Goldberg's writing practice. one just have to go back to it, get back to it, and persist despite the many reasons to say 'no'. to practice is to be there. the practice is to commit. the practice is to just do. the practice is saying 'no' to 'no-ing'. 

Saturday, March 21, 2015

The Other Woman - Bea and John Lloyd

it's so painful, can't watch another run.

but i love the story for its honesty, no-nonsense take on false relationships and those relationships that just won't take off because the past just cannot be undone.

i cried more than once.

and the ending is haunting. how can you bear to love someone you can never own? how can one endure the frustration of unrequited love until the very end?

Friday, March 20, 2015

Friday Eats

Every Friday that I'm in Manila, vowed to eat at joints around BGC. Started with Wrong Ramen, then The Farm, Tuscano, and I Love Shack. This means I've been in Manila, stayed over weekends, only five times since mid-January. And so the count of joints continue. Until the next full Friday...

Thursday, March 19, 2015

This Peace

To endure and past the test
Find, that the craving will diminish
That the need is not flesh
And that silence, calm is a healing thing
But I still believe
The Good One will come